Let's Get It On
by Seijitsu
Summary: Wrote this about a year and a half ago while deep in fujo Dangan hell, forgot about it, now releasing it to the wild. Pre-despair or non-despair AU, it's not picky about what you wanna call it- some timeline where Oowada and Ishimaru have been dating.


"Do you mean- sexual intercourse?" Ishimaru asked, thick eyebrows raising.

"W-W-W..." Oowada stuttered in reply, entire body shaking from anxiety.

Ishimaru didn't seem to notice his friend's physical signs of distress. His inability to "read the situation", as it were, was a constant source of both amusement and frustration to Oowada. Not that he was really thinking about it right now.

"Coitus is an act for married couples with procreation as the intent. I'm confused as to why you're proposing this activity for us, kyodai.

Oowada, face bright red and fists clenched, only managed to get out, "...'CUZ!" before collapsing in a heap of unintelligible half-syllables.

Unperturbed, Ishimaru waggled a finger and continued, "If two males were to engage in sexual intercourse, the act of procreation would obviously be impossible, rendering coitus useless. I believe in only taking actions with purpose! Would there be a purpose?"

Oowada bristled. "I don't understand this bull you're talking about! You kiss me, don't you?"

For the first time since they started having this conversation, Ishimaru looked flustered, but quickly recovered. "Th-that's different! It's a greeting, a perfectly normal greeting between two people who care about each other. There's a reason. What sort of reason could there possibly be for 'that act'?"

"It'd feel good, of course!"

Ishimaru folded his arms across his chest and shook his head. "Doing things simply because they feel good is the hallmark of hedonism! This kind of easygoing pleasure-seeking rots away at the core of decent society and is the bane of our generation, kyodai."

"If all you're gonna do is lecture me, then just get the hell out! Go back to your own room!" With a huff, Oowada threw himself onto his bed.

The other boy's expression immediately changed, eyes widening in surprise. "Kyodai, have I said something to offend you?"

No response and continued refusal to make eye contact.

"Please, tell me what I said or did to upset y-"

"Just go away!"

Ishimaru stood awkwardly in place for a while as his friend continued to ignore him, before finally stiffly exiting the room with an uncharacteristically small-voiced, "...Sorry."

Oowada's anger continued the next day, but he soon found himself miffed for another reason. Ishimaru didn't seemed to be bothered by being given the cold shoulder. In fact, he acted as though Oowada had simply never existed. The biker had made it a point to eat lunch alone in a different spot than the one the two of them usually shared, secretly hoping to see Ishimaru looking for him. No such luck.

To add further insult to injury, Oowada spotted him approaching Leon after class. Bad enough eyebrows wasn't trying to apologize, but now he was going after Mondo's friends, too?

With a long sigh, Oowada went to the boys' weight room to work off his frustration.

A couple hours later when returning to the dormitory area, he was surprised to see Ishimaru standing by his door like a statue. In part because he was too confused to think of anything to say, and in part in a last-ditch effort to make Ishimaru truly understand how upset he was, Oowada stayed silent as he unlocked the door to his room.

"Kyodai!" the prefect barked suddenly and loudly, causing Oowada to drop his keys.

"The hell, Ishimaru!?" Instead of responding, Ishimaru half-ushered, half-shoved his friend inside, shutting the door behind them.

"About our conversation yesterday," he began, brows knitted. "I wanted to say I was..."

Taking advantage of the pause, Oowada snorted derisively, "A total prick?"

"...Mistaken," finished Ishimaru, choosing his words carefully. "I said there was no reason for us to engage in the activity you suggested, but there was something I forgot to consider."

"That being?" Mondo crossed his arms across his chest.

"I'd be doing it to make you happy."

Throughout his life, Ishimaru found it difficult to relate to others. People were constantly telling him to think more about what he said, to take people's feelings into consideration before speaking. But it was and continued to be hard for him to predict how people would react.

Even so, Oowada's reaction was especially surprising.

"Kyodai...?" His voice was muffled against Oowada's shoulder. The other boy's arms had his own pinned in a tight hug. Ishimaru could smell the soap and aftershave on his freshly-bathed skin.

They stayed like this for a while, as the clock ticked audibly in the otherwise quiet bedroom.

When Oowada finally spoke, his voice was tight. "You're so stupid..."

Ishimaru opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out.

"If anyone else said something like that, I'd think they were doing it just to get back on my good side. But you're too stupid to think of things like that. You're too stupid to ever tell anything short of 100% truth."

Ishimaru's brain scrambled for the appropriate response. "I'm... sorry...?" He felt Oowada's tensed muscles relax.

"Nah," the biker said, releasing his hold and giving Ishimaru a clap on the back that was accompanied by a grin.

Ishimaru smiled back. "Should we get started, then?"

"Get... sta... what?"

Without waiting for a response, Ishimaru sauntered over to Mondo's desk and opened his bookbag.

"I asked Kuwata-kun for advice and-"

Oowada interrupted with a burst of laughter. "That's why I saw you two together? What did he say?"

"It's not polite to spy on others or interrupt them while they're talking," Ishimaru chided gently before continuing, "I asked Kuwata-kun for advice because the anatomy books in the library only covered male-female coitus."

Oowada laughed again but felt his ears begin to get warm. "And?"

"I believe his exact words were, 'Gross, I don't want to think about you guys doing that,'" Ishimaru replied matter-of-factly, prompting another laugh that he waved off. "But then he gave me a list of websites he said might be informative." Having triumphantly located said list in his bag along with a notebook and pen, he took a seat in front of Mondo's computer and began to type. "Let's do some research together!"

"Wait, kyo-" before he could finish, Ishimaru had already hit enter. Though briefly taken aback by the visual assault of pornographic material, Ishimaru quickly composed himself and cleared his throat.

Face beet-red, Oowada had turned around and strode quickly to the other end of the room. He heard the notebook open and pen click. Another uncomfortable evening together had begun.


End file.
